My Exercise Diary - Day 7

Day 7.

Well, that's the week. Thank goodness that's over. Maybe next time my wife will give me something a little more fun, like a gift certificate for a root canal.

My Exercise Diary - Day 6

Day 6.

Got Janell's message on my answering machine, wondering where I am. I lacked the strength to use the TV remote so I watched eleven straight hours of the weather channel.

My Exercise Diary - Day 5

Day 5.

I hate "Jillian" more than any human being has ever hated any other

human being in the history of the world. If there was any part on my body not in extreme pain I would hit her with it. She thought it would be a good idea to work on my triceps. Well I have news for you Jillian - I don't have triceps. And if you don't want dents in the floor don't hand me any barbells. I refuse to accept responsibility for the damage, YOU went to sadist school, YOU are to blame. The treadmill flung me back into a science teacher, which hurt like crazy. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like a music teacher, or social studies?

My Exercise Diary - Day 4

Day 4.

Janell was waiting for me with her vampire teeth in a full snarl. I can't help it if I was half an hour late, it took me that long just to tie my shoes. She wanted me to lift dumbbells.
Not a chance, Janell. The word "dumb" must be in there for a reason. I hid in the men's room until she sent Lars looking for me. As punishment she made me try the rowing machine.
It sank.

My Exercise Diary - Day 3

Day 3.

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the tooth brush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I am certain that I have developed a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer. I parked on top of a Volkswagen. Janell was a little impatient with me and said my screaming was bothering the other club members. The treadmill hurt my chest so I did the stair monster. Why would anyone invent a machine to simulate and activity rendered obsolete by the invention of elevators? Janell told me regular exercise would make me live longer. I can't imagine anything worse.

My Exercise Diary - Day 2

Day 2.

Took a whole pot of hot chocolate to get me out the door, but I made it. Janell had me lie on my back and push this heavy iron bar up into the air. Then she put weights on it, for heaven's sake. Legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made it a full mile. Her smile made it all worth while. Muscles all feel GREAT.

My Exercise Diary - Day 1

I found this story several years ago - and have wanted to share it ever since. I don't know where the original originated from - I have made some minor changes. I thought it would be appropriate to share this now since it is the first of a new year. I will post each day this week to give you motivation to continue with your new fitness resolutions.

My Exercise Diary

For Christmas this year my wife purchased me a week of private lessons at the local health club. Though still in great shape from when I was on the varsity chess team in high school, I decided it was a good idea to go ahead and try it. I called to make reservations with someone named Janell, who said she is a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and athletic clothing model. My wife seemed very pleased with how enthusiastic I was to get started. They suggested I keep an "exercise diary" to chart my progress.

Day 1.

Started the morning at 6:00 am. Tough to get up, but worth it when I arrived at the health club and Janell was waiting for me. She's something of a goddess, with blond hair and a dazzling white smile. She showed me the machines and took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She seemed a little alarmed that it was so high, but I think just standing next to her in that outfit of hers added about ten points. Enjoyed watching the aerobics class. Janell was very encouraging as I did my sit ups, though my gut was already aching a little from holding it in the whole time I was talking to her. This is going to be GREAT!

Raptor Claws

I got scratched by a Raptor!

(actually - just a welt from a big rubber band)

How could I ever say I hate homework?

Just some good laughs featuring Peanut's finest

Look at #4